I've beentrying tounderstandthis.

I've been trying to understand why this has been affecting me so much, and I think it's because spending time with you is genuinely one of the things I look forward to most. I naturally want to see you a lot, and I know I probably prioritize you more heavily than you prioritize time with me.

I don't think the issue is just that you want to hang out a bit less. I think what gets to me more is that sometimes it feels like other people or plans get actively chosen first, and then I get whatever time is left over. I know that probably isn't how you mean it, but that's how it can feel to me. I want to feel like sometimes you're thinking, “I want to see him today,” rather than us only seeing each other once everything else is figured out.

“I want to feel like sometimes you're thinking, I want to see him today.”

And because I care about you so much, when I feel that difference between how much I want to be around you and how much you want to be around me, I sometimes turn it into fear that I'm losing you or that you don't feel the same way anymore. I know that isn't necessarily fair or rational, and I'm not saying you need to spend every day with me or stop seeing your friends.

I just want you to understand where I'm coming from. I think I need to get better at having my own life and not treating time apart like something is wrong, but at the same time I'd really like to feel chosen by you too, and not like I'm only getting the time that happens to be left over.

I'm not asking for more. I'm asking to feel like I'm one of the choices you make.

always yours